Peter Pan

I’m sitting in a Starbucks right now. I just finished drinking a matcha latte. The green foam has left a slight stain on my lips.

A McGorum’s sandwich van just drove by as I looked out the window. McGorum’s is raved about in Leicester. Personally, I’ve only ever been in there once. With L, my most recent ex-boyfriend. Strangely enough, he came up in an Instagram conversation in the last 24 hours. One of his many ex girlfriends reached out and said some heartfelt words of support and encouragement.

What to say about L. And his Mother…

Another wounded boy disguised as a man. Another victim of his own circumstances. Another trauma driven human causing damage to himself and everyone around him. And I fell for it. Again.

The story goes like this…

In January of 2023, I separated from Ashley. I just couldn’t cope with his darkness anymore. He was damaging me beyond repair and I had to step away. For me. For Oria. I had loved him as much as he allowed and as much as I was capable of at the time,

but enough was enough.

Oria and I moved back in with my parents. I felt gutted. I cried endlessly. Another failed relationship. A little girl with separated parents. It broke my heart. But it was necessary.

Ashley tried his best to win me back. He booked a candlelight four string quartet for Valentine’s Day in ‘23. It was beautiful. But I’d lost connection to him at this point. My feelings had fizzled out. I saw him only as the Oria’s Father. Not my partner. The damage felt too severe to see past.

I’ve not shared this with many…that night, as I walking to meet Ashley. I saw L. It had been 10 years since I’d seen him. He didn’t see me. He was walking towards the town centre, from the train station. He had his usual bounce to every step. Quite comical really. Looked exactly the same as he did when we were together in our early twenties.